and the birds all cry
by papaya peach
Summary: Sakura prays - she prays on her knees, hands clasped together, in the confines of her bedroom - to whatever's above and, for whatever lack of belief in the supernatural she possesses, wishes her boys can hear her.


Sakura prays. Not to kami-sama, like her mother. Not to the gods and goddesses worshipped by some. She's never really believed in them. But still, Sakura prays - she prays on her knees, hands clasped together, in the confines of her bedroom - to whatever's above. And, for whatever lack of belief in the supernatural she possesses, wishes her boys can hear her.

It's been five years since the Great Ninja War. Five years since the goddess Kaguya, five years since the Eternal Mangekyou, five years since the Jūbi, five years since Akatsuki, five years since Uchiha Madara. Ironically, it's been five years since she's felt alive. She's a soldier who has only known war. She recalls the blood rushing through her veins as she battles Sasori, since she's punched down Zetsus. She's supposed to feel alive _now._ She's supposed to feel alive when the peace she's been fighting for all her life has finally, _finally_ paid off.

She couldn't feel any more dead than the fallen soldiers five feet beneath the ground in Konoha Cemetery. It's a sick irony that paints a bitter color to her every waking moment.

She couldn't feel any more dead than – sweet, beautiful, selfless – Naruto and – lovely, pained, larger-than-life – Sasuke.

Because in the Valley of the End, try as she might to stop it, or deny it, there was only, truly one thing that all of it led to. She can't help but muse, that even in death, Naruto and Sasuke _had_ to be with each other. No matter Sasuke's denial of Naruto's claims of them being best friends. They truly were. Their souls transcended whatever bonds humans were capable of. They simply _belonged,_ whether they knew it or not. It would be beautiful, poetic, if it wasn't a tragedy. It would be beautiful, if they didn't leave her.

That's what they always did. They left her when she was twelve, left her to guard duties while they put their lives on the line during missions and gave her the easiest job. The least harmful. They left her when they were thirteen, Sasuke in the middle of the night with a strike to her neck and a barely heard whisper of "Thank you.", and Naruto when he decided to go with Jiraiya because _he_ can't be left behind by Sasuke. She woke up after that. She was done being left behind. So she trained. Trained until her bones broke. Trained until her bones broke boulders. Trained until she was sure they couldn't leave her even if they tried to.

They left her again. What's worse is they're never coming back. They left her when they were seventeen, scarred soldiers of a war they didn't ask for. They were seventeen and heroes. _Team Seven who surpassed the Legendary Saanin. Naruto the jinchuriki, Sasuke with the powerful eyes, and Sakura the healer._ They were the world. They left her when they were seventeen and everything. Now she's twenty-two. Five years since she's last seen her boys. _Her_ boys.

She was sad for the first year. She was eighteen and it was peacetime, but everyday of that year was spent in the hospital, healing every mangled body that came through the doors. She realized that after a year, those mangled bodies she healed weren't her teammates' and she couldn't bring them back no matter how many times she depletes her chakra reserves on nameless, faceless shinobi.

She moves on to guilt. Thoughts of " _Maybe if you got there faster, they wouldn't have bled out." "Maybe if you trained harder, you could've saved them"_ plaguing waking moments, moments in between, moments when she tries to go to sleep. She sees Naruto's smile and Sasuke's eyes as she desperately tried to mend them. She knew. She understood what they meant. No words needed to be said in those last moments. They were Team Seven, after all. She always wakes up to the remnants blue eyes and a teasing smirk slowly losing life. That year, she spends even more time in the hospital.

She's a walking travesty, going through the motions best as she can. Ino tries to help and Sakura lets her believe that she does, because no matter how scarred Ino may also be, no matter that she lost Asuma, she still sees Shikamaru and Choji alive, breathing. She still has her twelve year-old self intact, however tucked away, because the two men she grew up with still remind her of who she once was. Sakura wished her boys were still alive to remind her how much of an annoying girl she once was. Naruto's obnoxious teasing and Sasuke's borderline hurtful quips. She would do anything to have another one of their light-hearted banter.

Sakura wishes they were there with her. She thinks of what they could have done after. They could have caught up with Sasuke. They could have had set up a tradition of Wednesday nights at Ichiraku, and prohibited Naruto to eat Ramen on days that weren't Wednesday, because did he eat too much. He would protest but he'd keep up the tradition anyway. Sasuke would be in Konoha. He would be with them, in the village, something they fought for for _so fucking long_ but now it's gone.

 _(Because in the Valley where Hashirama and Madara fought, their statues proud and tall reminding every shinobi where they came from, is where two knuckleheaded legends decided to die.)_

Tsunade retired as Hokage right after the war, Naruto's death hitting far too close to home. Sakura understands the pain her shishou felt. Naruto gave her hope, and along with the headaches and the urges to get smashed on sake, and she rested her hopes on Naruto. The bond they shared was something Sakura can never fully comprehend but enjoyed to watch anyway because no one can call Tsunade _baa-chan_ and come out alive except Naruto and no one can make Naruto listen as much as Tsunade. They filled the gaps they can fill. And with Naruto dying, Tsunade left town right after her resignation forms have been approved, only stopping by Sakura's apartment before heading out the gates, leaving Shizune behind. Sakura knows she should be worried about her mentor. Who would drag her drunk ass out of cheap pubs if not Shizune whom she decided to leave in the village? Sakura knows she should ask, she should be worried, she should at least offer to come with, but Tsunade doesn't ask about the bags under her eyes or why she locked herself in her apartment after the funeral. So she decides to cut her mentor some slack and let her be. She's old enough to fend for herself. And Sakura's not entirely sure she can be of help to anyone so soon.

The funeral was big. That was to be said. Mutiny towards Sasuke decreased because no one wants to stay mad at a dead man. A dead man that redeemed himself enough by defeating a goddess and stopping the end of the world. People came, laid down some flowers, said thank you and left. People came to pay respects to Naruto. All he wanted his whole life was respect and recognition. He got the full extent of it while being lowered into the ground. He wasn't there to appreciate it.

Sakura didn't cry. She couldn't. Because that afternoon, as the sun was setting, and her best friends were being lowered into the ground, she still believed when she turned around she would see them. Naruto waving, Sasuke with his hands in his pockets. It was impossible for them to die. They couldn't just leave her alone. She stayed in front of their graves after, unmoving. She stood for a day, staring, burning holes into the marble as if it could bring them back. After that she locked herself in her apartment for a week.

They were too bright. They were too young. They were too invincible, to get caught up in something as puny as death.

So she prays. She prays on her knees on the confines of her bedroom clasping her hands together. She tells them about her day. She tells Naruto about the new Hokage and how he could do so much better - and Sasuke, she tells him she still loves him. Prays that they're watching over her, like they always were. She prays split seconds before getting into an operating room, telling them that she's going to mend this soldier to make up for the time she _couldn't_ mend them. She's okay with that now. She's finally learning to live with herself. Praying helps.

On especially difficult days, she finds herself visiting their gravestones. Three years after the funeral was when she first visited their graves again. She concluded that forgetting them and erasing them – or trying to – wasn't making anything easier, so what she did was to integrate them. She visited when she could, when she needed. And she prayed.

Five years after, after a gruelling shift something kicks her. Hard on the stomach and a squeeze in the heart. Sakura felt nauseous all of a sudden. The air's been taken out of her lungs and she can't breathe. She felt disgusted, mortified, and worried, all at the same time. She couldn't remember what Naruto sounded like anymore. It's only six pm when she leaves the hospital in a haste. She rushes to the cemetery. She walks a cobblestone path she's not ashamed to say that she can navigate around blindfolded and finds what she needs, sitting on the grass side by side ( _of course they're supposed to be side by side)._

 _Uzumaki Naruto_

 _October 10th_

 _17 Years Old_

 _Uchiha Sasuke_

 _July 23rd_

 _17 Years Old_

She never bothers with flowers. She didn't give them any when they were alive so she sure as hell wouldn't give them any now that they left her alone. Sakura muses how her boys, two supernovas, two men who were her entire world, could be reduced to two identical squares with their names written on top. It was sort of insulting. But she couldn't really say because, these days, barely anything satisfied her.

Sakura sits on the grass in front of them and talks. She hasn't been a talker (not since they died), but with them, she allows herself to be twelve and idealistic again, a genin with hope.

"Hi, Sasuke-kun, Naruto. I'm back."

Silence.

"I still haven't brought you flowers, but you've got enough." She waves her hand at the fresh flowers at their tombstones, probably left by thankful villagers.

"Days are tough. I'm getting old now. I'm thinking about getting into ANBU, but I can't leave the hospital because Shishou decided to dump all the responsibility on me to go gallivanting around the five continents with Tonton." She didn't agree with herself. Naruto would've defended Tsunade too. "Anyway, it's not like she's getting any richer because she can't win no matter how many lucky pigs she raises."

That last part, well that was at least true.

"The thing is, I still hate both of you. For leaving me. Sasuke, we finally got you and you decided to die. Naruto, it was finally over and then you died. Makes me wonder what I've been fighting for all this time, if I can't be with you. What the fuck were you two thinking. I hate -" She doesn't realize she's crying until her voice cracks with a sob. "I h-hate you both for leaving me. _Again_. The training I caught up with. How - tell me how the fuck am i supposed to catch up with this."

Crows fly overhead. The world was tinged orange and pink. Another day has passed. Another day where Sakura isn't dead, but she surely isn't alive either. Silence greets her sobs. "I c-came because after my shift today, I forgot - I forgot how your voice sounded, Naruto.

"I still can't _remember_. I _hate_ this. I hate myself. I hate both of you.

"They're rebuilding the Uchiha District into an orphanage, Sasuke-kun. I- I don't know, but I think you would have liked it that way. Yeah, I think you would've wanted that.

" _I miss you."_

Silence greets her. It always does. Tears stream down her face. She's a cry baby, she always has been. Sasuke used to look at her funny every time her eyes got watery over something small.

Now she _forgot_. She forgot how they sounded. She forgot. She's going to forget how they look next. She's going to _forget_ and they're going to be _gone._

"I wish - I wish I could be with both of you -"

"Come on, Sakura, you don't really want that, right?"

 _Fucking great. She's hearing things._

"You don't really want to die, do you?"

She looks back at the voice, expecting nothing, but what was supposed to be empty space and a tribute to her hysterics was occupied by Kakashi. Completely clad in the white robes of the Rokudaime Hokage, he stood there, setting sun on his face, his eyes looking concernedly at her.

"Skipped work, Sensei?" she chuckles, wanting to change the subject. Still conscious of her tear streaked face, she hastily wipes her cheeks with the palms of her hands.

He decides to drop it, thankfully. "I like to think of it as work skipped me."

Kakashi removes his Hokage hat and sits right beside his former student – students. They sit in silence. Minutes pass, maybe hours, the sun is almost gone.

"I pray now."

"Do you?"

"I think it helps."

"It gets easier."

She notices as he steals a quick glance at the other side of cemetery where Rin and Obito's tombstones lay.

"I'm thinking of taking a genin squad. I really can't do ANBU, with the hospital and everything."

He hums in agreement. "Well, then you should present yourself to your Hokage."

"I will. When I'm ready, Sensei. I haven't seen you around."

"Yes, well I haven't been around. The office keeps me busy. Too busy. Naruto was supposed to succeed me, stupid brat had to die so I can't retire quickly because there's no one fit for the job."

"Sounds like you to make the Hokage position sound like a chore." She laughs. "I-I forgot how he sounded like." She haltingly confesses. Kakashi is the only person she can talk to that truly understood what losing the them felt like.

"It's not like you haven't heard the complaints about the paperwork before from Tsunade-sama, Sakura."

"I have. She said it stressed her so much she just _had_ to get drunk. I was fourteen when she asked me to do shots with her, you know, because her job was so stressful."

"I've been avoiding you."

"You have, Sensei." She says quietly, fiddling with her fingers and rereading what she already memorizes in front of her: _Uzumaki Naruto… Uchiha Sasuke… October 10th..._ She knew they weren't going to talk about Tsunade

"You know, I'm not your sensei anymore."

Sakura shrugs. "Habit."

A few minutes pass. The sky becomes completely dark. Kakashi sighs and rises to his feet. "Time to go back to work. Never ending…"

She hears him walk away. His footsteps come to a halt just as he was getting out of earshot.

"Rough. Like he ate too much Ramen. Like he always got his voice from the back of his throat with all his nasty phlegm…

"I'm sorry, Sakura. Come to me about those genin teams."

She hears his footsteps get softer and softer, and a small smile breaks from her face.

The next week, she goes to the Hokage's office to file for a request for a genin team. One, hopefully that didn't have a nasty-tempered, kind-hearted dead-last and a temperamental, over-competitive bastard, because god knows she's dealt with enough of those to last all her life. She sends a prayer before knocking on the Hokage's office and she can't help but feel the comfort of the warm breeze that brushed against her.

* * *

hi so that's that. this is my first ever publish so i'm a total noob i had to upload twice because this site is too complex for my pea sized brain. if any of you happen to stumble upon this, do leave a review. tell me what you think. cheers.


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